Blessings in disguise.

One thing that God taught me when I was away was about blessings in disguise.

Two weeks before I was due to leave and finally come home a volcano in Chile erupted. In those last two weeks I was constantly scared that I wouldn’t be able to get home. By this time I was really missing home and the thought of not being able to get home made me feel sick. One week before I was due to leave, no flights at all were landing or taking off in New Zealand. Over the whole of New Zealand was a giant ash cloud.

I was supposed to be flying Trujillo to Lima, Lima to Santiago (in Chile) and then Santiago to Auckland.

My flight from Santiago to New Zealand was cancelled.

After trying to find a flight – any flight, the only thing that could be done was to just go to Santiago and figure it out from there.

I was supposed to have a visa to get into Chile which I didn’t have, but somehow they let me into the country. I spent about three or four hours at Santiago airport desperately trying to get home. Finally, the girl at the desk told me the next flight I could get on was in a week and it flew straight to New Zealand. I told her to put me on it; I just really wanted to get home! She looked on her computer and then told me that the last seat had been taken just two minutes before.

It was really hard not to just break down and cry at this point.

So instead, I was put on a flight that also left in a week, but flew Santiago to Tahiti, Tahiti to Sydney, and finally Sydney to Auckland. All up it was 27 hours on a plane. I really wanted to be on the flight directly to New Zealand, but I had to settle with this one.

It was so frustrating.
But it was God taking care of me, he knew so much more than I did.

The next day, the flight directly to New Zealand, the flight I was supposed to be on, was cancelled.

In those moments at the airport I thought God wasn’t listening to my prayers, when really He knew the bigger picture.

That was the first blessing in disguise.

The second blessing in disguise was my week in Santiago. In Peru I was so busy and going crazy with worry about getting home. When I got home, it was so overwhelming, and my days were filled with catching up with everyone. Santiago was God’s gift of rest. It was a week where I could just sleep, spend time with God and see the city. It was a really good week, and Santiago is a really cool city, now it’s one of my favourite cities. I am now really thankful that God blessed me with that week.

In the Narnia book The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis, the protagonist Shasta seems to come across a lot of misfortune. It is not until Shasta meets Aslan does he see that Aslan has been working in his life in so many different ways.

Aslan says “tell me your sorrows”
Shasta was a little reassured by the breath: so he told how he had never known his real father or mother and had been brought up sternly by the fisherman. and then he told the story of his escape and how they were chased by lions and forced to swim for their lives; and of all their dangers in Tashbaan and about his night among the Tombs and how the beasts howled at him out of the desert. And he told about the heat and thirst of their desert journey and how they were almost at their goal when another lion chased them and wounded Aravis. And also, how very long it was since he had anything to eat.
“I do not call you unfortunate,” said the Large Voice.
“Don’t you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?” said Shasta.
“There was only one lion.” said the Voice.
“What on earth do you mean? I’ve just told you there were at least two lions the first night, and -”
“There was only one, but he was swift of foot.”
“How do you know?”
“I was the lion.”
And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. “I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you as you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.”

Aslan had looked after and protected Shasta the whole way, and Shasta didn’t even know.

Like Shasta, so many things which I saw as problems or inconveniences happened when I was overseas, but it was God taking care of me, He saw further than I did.

I made it home finally.

God gave me a huge adventure, and it was amazing. I saw so much, I learnt so much, I did so much. But the best part was that God was in every moment of that adventure.

Look.

Sometimes I doubt.

I begin to lose my sureness and I lose sight of God working in my life. 
I think I've lost sight.
Really, I have just closed my eyes.

And I need to reopen them. 
I need to open them and look around me.

I open my eyes and I see:

Golden light radiating so bright and so warm, giving life to everything it kisses.
Leaves that have internal pathways for water and life to reach it's very tips.
Stars that wink at me, full of mischief and mystery.
Blue eyes shifting to green overnight.
Pure white snow, glowing in the moonlight. 

I see all of these things, and so much more.

"for ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see His invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature." - Romans 1:20

One only has to open their eyes and see that nature, all of God's creation, is bursting with life and beauty. So perfectly and amazingly created, one cannot help but sense, feel that there must be more, must be a greater power.

My doubt is diminished every time I hear a heartbeat.

I know that He is the creator and the divine lifegiver of me.

Just take a moment to stop and look. To see the miraculous in the mundane things you pass by daily. To see the intricate design and beauty of them.

And soon you will realize that things will cease to be mundane. You will see the amazing, brilliant creation that God had moulded and shaped for us.
Notice more.

Just look.
And believe.

The moon.

The inanimate object, the dead chunk of rock that is suspended above our earth - the moon is a truly beautiful thing. 

I love seeing the Cheshire cat smile sliver of the waning moon. Smiling down at me.
The nights of the full moon that show it's brilliance.

The nights when the moon is not there, concealed by cloud, or still yet to rise, cause the immense blackness, the dark, the night, to be so vast.

The black of the night sky is unending. 

The moon is somewhat a comfort when it is there.

The nearness rids the sky of danger and installs a sense of safety within me. 

When the moon is above me, near in the sky, everything is okay.
When the Lord is near, everything is okay.


Scientifically speaking, the moon is a lifeless object, cold and grey. 

But, the light of the sun is reflected by the moon. And by reflecting that light, the moon sheds light on an otherwise dark world.

Without the sun, the moon is nothing.

One could say that we need to be like the moon. 
Psalm 34:5 reads "look to Him and be radiant."

Reflect the light of God, the light of the Son. He is the giver of the light, the radiance.

The world, the earth is a dark place, and like the earth to the moon, a force like gravity pulls us towards it. 

The pull of the world.
Gravity.

Constantly the world is pulling us in, tempting us with things that seem so great, so fun, so easy.

But so empty. 
So dark.
So lifeless.

Is there life in selfishness? 

Give in to gravity, or resist it. 
There are only two options. 

We can choose to be out of the world, as the moon is. And we can reflect the light of the Son onto the darkness of the world.

He provides the light, gives it to us.
Now, reflect it.

Without the sun, the moon is nothing.
Without the Son, I am nothing.

A name

“They say Aslan is on the move - perhaps has already landed.”
And now a very curious thing happened. None of the children knew who Aslan was any more than you do; but the moment the Beaver had spoken these words everyone felt quite different. Perhaps it has sometimes happened to you in a dream that someone says something which you don't understand but in the dream it feels as if it had some enormous meaning - either a terrifying one which turns the whole dream into a nightmare or else a lovely meaning too lovely to put into words, which makes the dream so beautiful that you remember it all your life and are always wishing you could get into that dream again. It was like that now. At the name of Aslan each one of the children felt something jump in its inside. Edmund felt a sensation of mysterious horror. Peter felt suddenly brave and adventurous. Susan felt as if some delicious smell or some delightful strain of music had just floated by her. And Lucy got the feeling you have when you wake up in the morning and realize that it is the beginning of the holidays or the beginning of summer. - The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe

The thought of God, and to hear His name can have a different affect on me at different times in my life.
So many different feelings, moods. Never static, ever-changing.

Sometimes, I long to hear that name, when He feels so distant, I will go frantically searching to find out everything and anything about Him.
But, other times, I shy from that name. The name will conjure a sense of shame in me, as past and current sins begin to surface in the front of my mind.

On rare occasions that the name of God overwhelms me and fills me up with such an astounding happiness and lightness within me.
It is at times like these that I wish upon the clocks to stop moving, upon the earth to cease spinning.
The far and few times I have felt like this have been so brilliantly lit in my memory have helped me to endure, and push through the times when I feel the darkness is overwhelming me, drowning me.

It is these moments of perfection that I hope for every day.
And the remembrance of the moments cause me to continue to strive towards Him.
I want to be closer and closer.

His name does make me feel differently at different times; scared, unsure, ashamed, happy, sad, lonely, crazy, numb.
I want the sound of His name to make me feel endlessly happy and the thought of Him to be perfect. I want this, so I endeavour to alter something in my life, and the sound of God's name changes upon hearing it, and I want to be at a time where His name is all that I want to hear.

To change the feeling I receive when I hear His name, I have to change something within my life.


How does the name of God make you feel?

What is unseen.

So, my big adventure is over, but the greatest adventure has only just begun.

After three months in Peru, I was really ready to go home. There is no place like home.
But, God had other ideas in mind for me.

In Southern Chile a volcano erupted three weeks prior to when I had planned to leave, jeopardizing my flight home. Those three weeks, I will say, were the hardest three weeks of my time away.
Weeks of stress, of wanting to go home.
Weeks of tears and nightmares and frustration that I could not change the movements of the earth or of the atmosphere. It was out of my hands.

I ended up stranded, in limbo, halfway between Peru and New Zealand. I was in Santiago, Chile. My flight was cancelled.

I was not going home.

That moment, was one of those moments when I wish, when I have a longing to know something - anything of what God was doing, of His plans.
But, of course, I had no idea.

But, then He said to me:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

All of those troubles, the tears and the nightmares I had in Peru, in the place that was familiar to me, quickly vanished.
And, it was in the unknown city, in the place of uncertainty and where I was lost, that I was found.

I realised that I no longer felt scared of what would happen to me, I knew that now I would look beyond what I can see.
To what is unseen.

Because I will never be able to figure out what God has planned for me, I will never be able to decipher Him.
But, this place of unknown allows room for trust.
To trust despite having no idea.

To know that when suddenly all of my plans have dissolved in my hands, it is because of precisely that - they are in my hands.
And I needed to transfer it all, everything, even the parts that are hard to let go of, into His hands.
For in His hands nothing will go wrong.

I still have no idea why God wanted me in Santiago.
But I should stop asking why He did that or why He's doing this. I should just trust Him.

And lean not on my own understanding.

A smile

The spanish translation of the word 'smile' is sonrisa.
Sonrisa is my favourite word in the spoken Spanish language. To me, the word conjures an image of the sun rising. And the dark before the dawn disappears as the sun shines it's light and warmth on the cold world.

One simple smile, one sonrisa should shed light on all that surrounds you.

Like smiles, Christians should light a room when you step inside.
To shine the light of Jesus is what He called us to do.

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put in under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven." - Matthew 5:14-16

Smiles are contagious.
We should be contagious.
As Christians light should shine through us.
We cannot merely thank God for saving us, we need to continue to do His work, we need to show all that He is and can do in how we live.

I want to radiate the love of God so much that people are drawn to the shine, to the warmth.
And others will want a share in that light.

You cannot live your life under the bowl, under the radar.
If you hide, the the light cannot be seen.
Do not be afraid you will scare people with the light.
Your light, your shining will allow others to shine too. And to share in the love and light.

If you feel you have no idea how to shine this light, or that you just don't have the strength, then ask God to shine His light through you.
Because ultimately, that is what the light is - He is shining through you.

Smiles can communicate so much. Without any words.
Happiness.
Love.
Understanding.
But most of all, smiles are a beacon of hope.
And that hope is the light of the world: Jesus.

And that hope is what we live for.

But a breath

At home in New Zealand, I have an amazing circle of love and support that surrounds me and is there every way I look.
I have Reece, my amazing boyfriend who supports me, challenges me and causes growth in my faith.
My parents, who have done a downright awesome job in raising me, teaching me good values and bringing me to faith in the first place.
My brother and sister who have made me the person I am today and I would be so lonely without them in my life.
And my group of friends, old and new, apart of Clevedon or not, who have always been there for me in one way or another.

Truely, God has blessed me with the amazing people in my life, and I am ever thankful for every one of you.

When I came to Peru, no one came with me.
I came alone.

Alone physically.

But God has never left my side the entire time.

When I was crying on the plane 1024 metres in the air - He was there.
When it was near impossible to fathom the beauty of Machu Picchu - He was there.
When I have felt alone
When I have felt in danger
When I just want to give in
He was, and is, always there.

The danger in putting so much trust and leaning so heavily on people is just that, they are people.

Isaiah 2:22 says 'stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils.'

Humans are human and will eventually let me down in some way, not be there for me, or leave to go and live in some obscure country. Humans have 'but a breath', it could take one moment for someone to cease living.

Being in Peru, I cannot expect Reece to be there to tell me I'm beautiful if I'm feeling insecure, I cannot run to mum when everything is falling apart and I can't hang out with Ryan and Leah when I'm lonely.

But wherever I am in the world, surrounded by my community of love or not - God will never, never fail me in being there.
God doesn't need a passport to go somewhere, He can fit into car if that is where you need Him and He is in the wilderness in the middle of nowhere, and He's also at the supermarket.

Trust in God.
To be there wherever you go.
To be there when you need Him.
In the hard times and in the good times.
He is not human, and therefore will not fail you.

It is so good to surround yourself with amazing people, who love you.
But ultimately God is the only one who will never let you down.
For He will always be with you.

Remember that.